I personally get this a lot and it has finally come to head. It is an absurd notion to single out a group of people based on a description that meets everyone from time to time, but then again discrimination of any kind is absurd. So yes I am angry and coincidentally I am black as well. Turns out that makes me an angry black man for the duration of my duress; who would have thought. Though by the same rational wouldn’t that make an Asian man who is having a bad day an angry Asian man. Or say a Hispanic man who had a rough week and is frustrated with some aspect of life. Would that not make him an angry Hispanic man? So let’s really flip this on its head and get to the crux of the problem. No one says anything about a white man getting angry. He can have a bad day get angry and throw a grown man fit and no one cares until he is harming people. Even then after it is all said and done people afford him excuses for his behavior without being asked or deserving; worse it doesn’t see as much press either when it is at it’s height of dysfunction and disturbance.

In contrast to that, minorities are not allowed to get angry and they often also have real reasons to get angry too. Though when they do they are seen as a disturbance to the peace. A possible threat to the community or the public at large. People hush up around them and try to distance themselves. Fact is they are seen as a problem rather than just another person under the pressure of the human condition.

Although to be fair what minorities feel includes what non-minorities feel too, but also the frustration at the worlds oppression of their very existence. Now before we start going into reverse racism lets not forget that it is so prevalent that minorities are racist to themselves even more so than before. Why? Because there is a sub-sect of their race that they are embarrassed about; these dissenters of “civility.” They feel it is because of them, that they have to work so hard to prove the stereo types are not true. I have to be honest here, I tip 20% even if I get horrible service. If you are asking why, then let me tell you. It is apparently a fact that black people are the worst tippers in the world. Yes the entire world. When from my experience most people in general who “have” are the worst tippers.

I digress. To reiterate, minorities are absolutely not allowed to get angry. They are also not allowed to go out at night. Nor are they allowed to wear hoodies or clothing that can possibly conceal anything at all including their own shadow. Despite the fact that I am an adult, the statement “Be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing” is ever present in my mind. Matter of fact it really goes “Be at home whenever you are not at work.” Least I end up on the 6’o clock news. If you must be out and about, at least be with a non-minority that can vouch for you; it is often the safest bet.

Now I believe it is worth mentioning that when I get angry nothing happens aside from some crossed words or at worst a rant and rave which is not directed at anyone and are rare in occurance; much like most of the population. I neither act out, nor throw fits of rage destroying things (why would I damage my property? Why would I damage someone else’s?). I simply voice it and possibly brood after everyone is gone. However, in the privacy of my own home I get really dangerous; I might hit my fist on the table when I am losing a game to a 12 year old online. Which is exactly why I play single player games now, I don’t want the neighborhood watch to know I am angry. They might get together during the next HOA meeting and conspire to have me removed from my home.

Evey person is bound to find themselves angry at some point or another. It is an integral part of the human condition. Not based off of the condition of my skin tone or economic standing. This kind of discrimination is purely a man made fabrication based off of a preconceived notion passed down through the years. One that helps justify unwarranted fears and centuries of mistreatment.

Angry Men

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Posted by on November 22, 2013 in Life


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Thoughts on “The Chaos Walking Trilogy” by Patrick Ness


So I just finished the Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness and I don’t want to ruin anything, but I am filled with both hope and grief at the ending. The entire series was fabulous and kept me reading well past the witching hour. You could easily destroy this series in a couple of days, but you will not want to. Mr. Ness does an excellent job of making you slow down to take it all in and conversely he knows just how to make you pick up the pace. Though again, as I stated above I really don’t know how I feel about the end. What a cliff hanger of sorts, but one with so much hope.

The story is a coming of age story with an identity crisis twirled in. It revolves around a boy Todd and a girl Viola with a number of relentless and ruthless antagonist. At times the story can be down right brutal and visualizations are in 3D as far as my imagination is concerned; I just cannot say enough good things about this series.

As I gear up to do NaNoWrimo (national write a novel in a month) I am drawn back to this great example of a YA (Young Adult) work of literature. The uncertainties and the dangers are real. The love and hate are palpable. The suspense can be suffocating as you attempt to speed read a section. I will try to keep all this in mind as I weave my own story next month.

If you are interested in this series the first book is “The Knife of never letting go” the second is “The Ask and the Answer” and finally “Monsters of Men.” Happy reading!

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Posted by on October 18, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Welcome back. Are you here to stay?

Well this is awkward isn’t it? It has been far too long since I have written on either of my blogs. Its a shame really. Well after years of glancing at nanowrimo (national write a novel in a month) I am actually going to participate. Who knows I might even win. That said I really need to stop procrastinating and get my outline done…. 0_0 What follows is my synopsis if you will.

Escapees of a top secret facility, a boy and girl seek to be just that; normal children. Though they find the world outside the facility where they were altered even more strange. Lost in a dystopian society ruled by the upper classes they are pursued by the people that created them and the progenitor’s they were made from. To make matters worse as if guided toward conflict the treaties of time immemorial between Vampires, Werewolves and Man are being broken as though a rouge element may be at play.

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Posted by on October 17, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Chivalry defined

It has come to my attention that my definition of chivalry is not with the mainstream reasoning or concept. We all have our opinions, which is why I am not sure as to why this subtle, but distinct fact never occurred to me before. I have to give thanks to a female friend of mine for pointing it out; which brings up another important point. Apparently, the word “female” is an insult. However, am I to blame for English language being a large bag of fail? In the context of the aforementioned sentence, I could not say “thanks to my woman friend.” Leaving me only the option of stating the person’s name; however, in an effort to provide some ambiguity and privacy in a digital world I defer to “female.” This is not said to be an insult, but to differentiate the sex of the person I am speaking of which adds more validity to the statement; because how valid could a comment about women be coming from a man anyway? It is apparent, women do not understand men and vice versa males…men do not understand woman either. However, the question I am left with is “could we?” If not, could we at least find common ground?  I digress, but now on to my point.

Chivalry as seen in many movies and found in a plethora of books tend to feature a maiden not necessarily in distress, but one whom is being courted. I Assume it is often hated by many a woman due in part to the concept being a bit male chauvinistic. In which case taking it a step further all chivalrous acts are viewed as an offence. Basically, that an act of chivalry is a statement to a woman’s inability to do any task simple, complex or arduous. I have argued this fact, but the media and fiction have pumped up this rational; made worse by some woman actually seeking chivalry and using it as a proverbial crutch. The mentality from the males…..rather man’s standpoint is not one of frailty, but of service. Chivalry as defined in medieval times had nothing to do with love, but all to do with honor. Something more akin to bushido, which also has nothing at all to do with love. Unfortunately in our society the word chivalry is used in place of “courtly love.”

Courtly love or the act of being courted is an entirely different idea. However, I can see how the two would be confused for one in the same. The act of being honorable would have you serve others regardless of their ability to serve themselves or not; it is also to fight for what is right regardless of the situation and often when there are no spectators. Whereas juxtaposed, courtly love is also an act of servitude, but to one person, mainly a woman and for self gain. More clarification is in order, the lover(idolizer/stalker) accepts the independence of his mistress and tires to make himself worthy of her affection and love. Thus acting bravely and honorably (nobly/romantically) and by doing deeds desirable to her such as tests to prove his love and commitment.

Now even looking at the definition of courtly love and understanding what chivalry really is how does that make a woman out to be some frail creature? If anything, a man showing courtly love is a man that puts the woman of his affection on a pedestal. Simply because she is the man’s sun and moon. So it is not chivalry that is dead, but courtly love is deceased and women apparently want to keep it that way. Too be fawned after and swooned more akin to a theme park, you get on the ride you enjoy it and then you go home. I don’t claim to know what women want, but I can tell you this much courtly love is not it, or at least not all the time. It’s like salt it is best used sparingly. Therefore, to my woman friends, I get why you hate it. It can make it hard to see the truth behind the man or persona he chose to show; on top of the perceived notion of him making it seem you are helpless to even open a door. However, here again I am going to state the fact that to a true gentleman it is not about you being frail or helpless and in need of a man’s guidance/help or any of what you feel. It is not about “can you” rather it is about “do you have to.” More to the point It is about another human being serving you because they think the world of you and only you.
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Posted by on November 27, 2011 in Love, Relationships


Can I please go ape shit?

With all the stereo types and preconceived notions that people have its hard just “being” let alone being a black male on top of that. I grow a beard and despite the fact that it is clean cut, I am called Achmed on a regular basis. Which is wrong not only because I am not Middle Eastern, but also because there is nothing wrong with Middle Eastern culture. We are being prejudice against a whole culture for a faction of people within a culture. That is like me being prejudice against all white people because of the KKK.  Worst part is generally my own race has the most gall to test me like that. It is because of stereo types like this that I have to tip toe around people and stay away from certain subjects in conversations. Least I become deemed something that I am not. Constantly in the news and media, we are seeing people do insane things and getting away with it. Hell even at my job I see people get away with murder. However, if I have a moment like needing a Twix there is something wrong. Oh the humanity of it all, I had a bad day and rather than just eating crow I decided to make a stand. So now I am labeled as unstable and this is the designation that we Gentleman strive to avoid. Now before you think I am going to turn this into some race card argument let me halt you in your steps and just say this about all the sane nice Gentleman in the world.

Fact of the matter is I am very sane so much so that just like most people I have a limit to the sheer amount of Bovine excrement I am going to shovel. Yet still in the back of my head, I have this little thing called a conscious that will not allow me to go all out. I hate that guy sometimes, I wish I had mayhem for a conscious some days, that way things might actually get done or at least jerks would get the picture. However, this cannot happen and when it does you hear the stories about “oh I never knew he/she was capable of that or wow he/she just snapped. Therefore, we just sit back idly, take it, and take it until we need anger management. Rather than being like the office jerk that does stupid stuff all the time and gets away with it because. “Oh they can’t help it” or “well that’s just so and so, being so and so.”

I mean can I have my Twix now please. I just think everyone needs to be able to go ape shit at least once in their life. Knowing my luck if I just snapped for five minutes, got my hulk rage out and was like I am cool, I’m alright now; I’m done. I would be seeing the inside of a padded room for the rest of my life. This whole double standard shit has to stop. If it is unacceptable for us then it should be for everyone. Matter of fact I am willing to bet if we didn’t let anyone get away with it, we wouldn’t need a moment at all to go ape shit. I mean honestly half the time I want to go rage mode it is because someone’s quota of stupid for the year was reached in one minute.

Many of you may say maybe its jealousy and I need to grow up because I want to throw a temper tantrum. However, let me assure you, kids throw temper tantrums, I am about to throw cars and dump trucks. I mean seriously as a country we moan and complain over the simplest things all the while there are literally people starving and dying over basic needs. I haven’t written anything in my blog because its all I can do to make it home after work. I’m often so tired my rage can’t even get me to work out. I just want to sit and this is where the stewing and fuming start.

You ask yourself what exactly is the American dream and smart folk may say well that depends on the American. Well the American dream everyone was sold is a lie. There is no nice picket fence wife and two and a half kids. That statement in itself makes it false because honestly is that what every female wants? Really? Doubt it, not to say some do not, but few things tend to be mutually exclusive. Even then let’s say that is the American dream, well it is a fantasy in this housing market. The climate is harsh and you cannot sell a house without losing your shirt in the process. Let alone buy one without signing in blood that your soul is the banks for 30 or more years with a side dish of we will fuck you over the first chance we get. I always love desert, don’t you?

Well alright I am done. I went rage mode on my keyboard because this is about the last domain where you can really let loose and aside from the 5 cures words in this entire post I haven’t raged much at all. I am still probably going to flip cows tonight just to realize some rage. This was just a good start.

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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in Life, Statements


Living to work. Working to live.

I often sit and ponder what exactly the American dream is. Then flip the question what is the American dream in relation to me. To my family, to my friends and more importantly to my people. The American dream is as public a shared dream as it is a private one. We all desire something, but not necessarily the same thing. It is like trying to quantify happiness or sorrow. In the end it is all relative, but there in the relativity of it all we find the bond that allows us to share it.  The American dream once was an aspiration an ideal shared by the middle class and now has because the status quo. We measure our dreams by our success and do it in non relative terms. Someone born rich or by some fluke of luck became rich has neither a story nor a dream relative to yours simply because the circumstances for which you both live in are differently; even before the money and power presented itself as a variable. To put it another way being rich does not make you happy it is more in what you can do now that you are rich that makes you happy. We all being individuals have our own Ideas and ideals of what happiness is. I just wonder when it became the American standard to live to work and never enjoy the fruits of one’s labors.  It has gotten to the point where very few of us feel or get any type of satisfaction for the work that we do. This work that we do is after all a blessing from God. To be able to comprehend and manipulate the world around us is divine in itself because there are so many who cannot. We go to work each day not exchanging our gift for a day’s wage but selling our souls, our very dreams for a moment of pleasure and a dollar. You work so hard and so long by the time you get off there is nothing left, but that money you sold your soul for.

Many people say money can buy you neither love nor happiness, but far too many people believe it does. So much so that they have become disconnected from reality. “I work so I can buy the things I want.” “I work hard, therefore I should play hard.” It is a vicious cycle of never ending strife. Like a drug addict, I got to work so that I can afford to be high. Then what will you do without your high? Will die? Will you fall to peacies and cease to exist? Or possibly could you find joy in the little things? Because after all it is all those little things that make you who you are. The scope and breath of your creation still a wonder till this day is made up of so many little things that have to work on time and perfectly else you will waste away in moments. Life is precious and as strong and as much vitality it seems we have, it can be stolen or rather returned to the giver in an instant. Had I not seen it with my own eyes I would have remained enchanted and chasing after an American dream that does not exist.

The pursuit of happiness. What is it? There within lives the paradox, yes it lives because we grow it and it grows and as we change it changes. Your happiness as a child is not your happiness as a young not full grown adult neither is it your adult happiness. Your nostalgia only lasts but so long because your happiness has changed with you. You go from playing with toys, to playing with cars or cloths to needing a house to playing with your children to raising your children and watching them have their own. Your happiness grows and your happiness can die and wither. Yet we as a people continue to seek this fast life that has no substance to it at all. Its consistency is that of the wind and its relevance moments later is like space, null and void. Few man will be rich working for another man. However, can we be happy with that? Can we be content?

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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in Uncategorized


They were better for it but what about us?

I know this is going to sound selfish and to be honest it is selfish to an extent and to be honest I am ok with that. However, despite how you feel please read on and keep your judgments until the end.

It is inevitable at some point we all experience it. Where, we better the people around us, or even a singular person. This could happen just because of our aura or even a situation. Be it a profound moment in time or a lifetime of encounters. However, under normal circumstances, or what most of us would expect, more often than not this is not reciprocated. Lady Karma plays favorites’ often I find. Well with most things, they are not mutually exclusive. Matter of fact, I like more than a few people I know come from a school of hard knocks. Where it was the negatives that more so pushed us in the proper direction. An example of which is like being in relationships that fell apart because of the other persons inequities. They are hurt by the loss of us no doubt, but change in some way and are all the more better for it. While we on the other hand, are left alone to start all over again. With the only lesson learned being to weed out the previous persons negatives in the next person we meet. Rather improving upon what I call the “search criteria.” Many of us have this without knowing it and as such, tend to forget important aspects of it when under the heat of attraction at the battle line called dating. It really is like a war; one more described as a cold war with ruses, advances, strategic retreats and blitz attacks. A tactic more favored being feints and misdirection, Inferring upon things without actual confirmation. Best described by comparing it to the search for black holes, it is not so much that we are looking for signs of it, as much as we are looking for the absence of signs. Its presence shown only by the reaction of the things around it because it itself cannot be seen. Only felt. Like a ripple on the water, by the time we see the ebbs we have lost sight of the epicenter. More concisely, we probe and prod to some extent, but put out feelers for what we are really looking for. We are seeking a reaction or some “tell” in hopes of gaining insight into the inner thoughts of another.

In that we often wonder when will it be our turn; our turn to be inspired rather than to inspire or motivate. We long for situations where someone may help make us better just by being around them. Now I understand that many would say that God should take the void because he is all we need. However, when he gave us companionship there was much more than just that. In fact, it is built within the very fiber of our being to seek each other out. So much so that he made it a commandment. Now for those that are atheist understand that everywhere in nature there are positives and negatives. Way down to the basis of what our world is made up of all the way up to the gravitational forces that keep our world on axis so God or not we like most of everything living on this planet naturally pair up whenever available. Otherwise, solitary confinement would not be to this day a viable punishment in prisons and homes with toddlers.

Going back to the core notion of this note, I was always raised to believe that in life it Is not what a companion can offer you but what you can offer the companion that makes for a great relationship be it a friendship or more. However, this often leads to people being shamefully abused or lead astray due to some false sense of connection. No we should remain humble in our ways always seeking to be helpful but going forth with eyes wide open. Looking for motives and opportunistic qualities in the person. We should not be afraid to let go and above all else we should not be made to believe this is the best we can do.

In conclusion, we should look for people that have the potential to enhance us. It is not a 50/50 situation but a 100/100 situation where when you give your all you will not be without but you will be filled with 100% of that person. That together you both will forge a path along the road called life reinforcing each other rather than one being stood upon by the another constantly. No one can withstand that burden indefinitely.



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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in Life, Love, Relationships, Statements